Chapter 3

Peace with your Peers

 

“When you look at someone else's mistake, you should laugh at it and feel 

compassionate towards it; then you are able to save your mind.” 

– H.H. Sri Ravi Shankar

The very first step is to achieve peace within and this will automatically let you see everything and everyone with compassion, non-judgmental with empathy and understanding and hence will act as the foundation step towards peace with your peers –whether family or friends or peers in your professional life.

This inner transformation is needed to have peace with your peers – within the family and at the work place. One begins to enjoy his or her family and work when they find this inner peace. They begin to cherish every moment with friends and family and give their all while at work and develop patience for their peers as well.

Patience is the KEY to peace with your peers:

A well-known proverb states that "he who knows patience knows peace." And yet many of us would define patience more as a minor form of despair disguised as a virtue. Many times, patience seems to be non-existent when you're late and the car in front of you is crawling at turtle speed or when your neighbor upstairs has a song on repeat and you've already heard that song 20 times. Same goes when the customer service person, who sounds like a robot, keeps on telling you that they "understand" yet there's nothing they can do! Embodying patience is a difficult task. And yet it is this virtue that safeguards us from anxiety, frustration and anger. Without it, we judge situations incorrectly and act in regrettable ways. It destroys our own peace of mind and infects everyone in our way.

But how exactly does one act with patience? Here are some techniques and tips to keep in mind for the next time you're about to lose it:

• Recognize and surrender
  So many of us are impatient because we're spoiled, writes Life Coach Neil Fiore in his book Awaken Your Strongest Self: Break Free of Stress, Inner Conflict, and Self-Sabotage. We become rash and annoyed because we want things our way and right away; we often hurry in a bid to control our lives, or the outcomes of our actions. But by doing this we limit our identity to a small, insecure, anxious part of ourselves.

Staying stuck in this small, limited part means that we have failed to expand our sense of self. We can tap into a larger wiser self that can plan, soothe, and choose what to do in any given situation, says Fiore.

"To cultivate patience we must learn to accept the limits of our control -- doing what we can but allowing the world to respond," says Fiore. In other words we have to surrender and realize that we don't have power over everything. And that's okay.

• Listen
  Before putting yourself forward, be sure you understand the

circumstance you are in. Listen to what others have to say. And listen to your higher self. Don't be so quick to react. Respond instead. Patience involves holding back a hasty reply to someone and accepting the differences in others. Use internal strength to calm yourself rather than let something or someone get the better of you. Really, what's the point? If you look at the bigger picture, the situation is probably not worth your salt.

• Breathe
  Be aware of your emotions. When you find yourself becoming impatient, angry, or irritable, take a deep breath and let it out slowly. In. Out. Breathe deep into your belly. Nice and easy. If you've already flown off the handle, you'll probably need several deep breathes. Try breathing in for three seconds, holding it in for five and then letting it out for seven breaths. Tell yourself to relax. Scan your body for tension and invite it to release.

• Gentle simplicity
  Keep life simple. Don't over-schedule. Give yourself room. Give people the benefit of the doubt and you can avoid complications in relationships. Tell the truth and you won't have so much to remember. Be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack. Do the same for others.

• Negative vs. positive
  Waiting is probably the biggest act that tests our patience. Waiting to heal, waiting for a phone call, waiting to mail a package at the post office. Some think patience is about grinning and bearing it. Wrong. It's about chewing and smelling it. In other words, turning a negative into a positive. Perhaps we have such a difficult time because we mortals rarely live in the moment. Impatience comes when we're overly focused on the future, rushing to get somewhere or prove something. Why not enjoy the anticipation as much as the end result? It's about the journey and not the destination. If something is going to happen later than you expected, then so be it. It's all in divine order.
  
  The next time you're waiting for something to happen, turn that angst into appreciation. Give your self a pep talk and list a couple of things that you are grateful for. Tell yourself that everything is in its place and events are unfolding as they should. It's OK to wait. Patience is not procrastination. It is releasing action only when the correct moment has arrived. And remember that by losing your cool, you're actually putting a lot of yucky energy out there into the universe. Let it out in different ways. Let your frustrations out at the gym or go for a run in the wilderness.

What is Peace within Family and Friends (with Ethics and Responsibility)

Common goals and principles

The best way to achieve peace within family and friends is to ensure that a team spirit is invoked with common goals and principles. Peter Vajda, co-Founder Spirit Heart, describes the following;

“Each individual composes the music of their own life. When we experience upset of one kind or another it's usually because we are out of harmony with ourselves. When we experience difficulty in our relationships at work, at home or at play, for example, it's most often because our music and the notes of our life are not on the same page.”

• What is harmony?

Harmony is an alignment or congruence among four elements: what we say, what we think, what we feel and what we do. When there is harmony, alignment, and congruence between our thoughts, feelings, actions and words we experience an inner and outer sense of peace, called harmony. When we're In harmony, the pieces fit.

• Am I in harmony?

Consider the following life areas and reflect on whether you feel in, or out of, harmony with each ­ is the way you feel about, the way you think about, the way you act around (or about) and the way you speak about each of the following in alignment, congruent, harmonious?

Your finances
Your career and livelihood
Your relationships at work
Your (love) partnership and intimacy
Your personal environment and organization
Your personal, professional and spiritual development
Your health and wellness
Your family and friends
Your play and recreation

• When I'm not in harmony

Are there disconnects in the way you think, feel, speak about or act with respect to any of these life areas? For example, do you feel one way or think one way about money and yet treat money, or relate to money, in a way that is counter to the way you think and feel?

At work, is your behavior towards your co-workers in sync with the way you talk about them to others, or think about them? And your relationship with your partner - Does harmony flow through your relationship? What's your music like? Are the notes off? Do you experience harmony or disharmony?

Folks who are the most distressed, upset, overwhelmed, frustrated, bored, lost and confused are those whose music is out of tune, whose life is full of bad notes, whose music and notes are not on the same page.

Further, when we are not in harmony with others, it's because we are not in harmony with ourselves. When one is in harmony with one's self, one is often in harmony with others. When we feel out of sorts, foggy, frustrated, lost or confused, it's most often because we are experiencing dis-equilibrium among our mind, body and spirit - between what we are thinking, feeling, saying or doing.

The downside of this state of disequilibrium is that we often make unwise and unhealthy work, career, life, and relationship choices. In disharmony, we keep sending ourselves mixed messages and it is no wonder we live in a state of confusion and self-doubt. Think of some decisions you made recently that turned out to be self-defeating or not so healthy. Consider, were you were in alignment in what you were thinking, feeling and saying as you made the decisions or did you experience a sense of internal conflict? Did you make that decision from a place of harmony? If not, where were you conflicted? And why? What wasn't working?

KEY QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF

• What thoughts and beliefs do I engage in that create disharmony in my life?
• Do I often feel one way, or think one way and then act in another way? Do I know why?
• Do I often lie to myself? About what? And why? What does the lying get me?
• Is the music of my life harmonious?
• Does disharmony in my life cause conflict with others at work, at home or at play?
• Do I express harmony through qualities such as respect, acceptance, tolerance, understanding, empathy and compassion?
• How do I promote harmony in my relationship to my self? Do I "walk my harmony talk"?
• What do I say, how am I acting, how am I thinking and how am I feeling, when I'm in a state of disharmony?
• Do I tend to blame others for my disharmony?
• What are my top 15 values? Am I living these values on a consistent basis? If not, what's in the way?
• What one or two baby steps could I take today, this week or this month to move in the direction of experiencing greater harmony in my life?

When I am in harmony

When one is in harmony with one's self, when one's thoughts, words, deeds and feelings are in sync, one has no need to look outside to blame, find fault, nit-pick, criticize and judge harshly. When one is in harmony with one's self, one can overlook the faults, the peccadilloes, the imperfections and the "dings" in others. When one is in harmony with one's self, one sings, internally and externally, the notes of gentleness, mildness, respect, humility, modesty, tolerance and forgiveness. When one approaches life and living from a place of harmony, one experiences the qualities of true and real courage, strength, wisdom, will, confidence, motivation, self-discipline, inner peace and love, compassion and what is known as "right knowing, "right action" and "right understanding" ­ qualities that are not available when one is in a state of disharmony.

Harmony supports one to act from a place of authenticity and integrity; there is no fakeness or phoniness, no self-deception. Harmony allows us to be at peace within our own skin. No one can compose your music. Each individual composes the music of their own life. The goal is to consciously hear and understand where there is discord. And then act to take steps to eliminate or reduce the discord in the melody of one's life. What notes do you need to change or discard?

The one way to achieve harmony is to begin with your values. What are your values? What's really, really important to you? And, are you living your values?

IAHV & AOL Family programs & Corporate Programs

Fortunately along with Art of Living Part I and Part II courses there are a few customized courses that one can attend as a family and specialized courses for children (6 to 13) – ART Excel and teens –YES for Teens (14 to 17).

ART Excel

The Art of Living Foundation initiated the ART Excel Program in response to the global health and values crisis facing today's youth. Presented in a practical and fun framework that appeals to youth of all ethnic, racial and religious backgrounds, ART Excel offers an enlightening approach that awakens youth to their deepest potential and life's higher values.

During the initial 18-hour program youth learn the six-gold keys to success through innovative games and interactive processes that reinforce human values. Through fun and laughter, children learn valuable lessons on how to share with others, work and play in harmony and develop a sense of belonging. Children become more self-expressive and comfortable and natural even with diverse groups of people. Students are also taught yoga and effective and powerful breathing processes which help eliminate fear, anxiety, depression and other negative emotions. Meditation, being an important tool to tap the children's hidden potential, forms an integral part of the program. After undergoing the program, children demonstrate enhancement of creative skills, improved memory and concentration, development of leadership qualities and healthy emotions, clarity of mind as well as improved interaction with their peers.

Here are some of the remarks of kids who have benefited from ART Excel (both my kids have done so already).

“ART Excel is a wonderful stress reliever. It relaxes and sooths me. I feel like I could never be sad again. It’s a great way to bring happiness to people’s lives.”
Austin, age 13, New York

"I sleep better and I don't get angry a lot anymore."
Sandra, Middle school student, Miami

“The ART Excel Course is a great way for young people to deal with their inner problems and improve their lives and way of living! The breathing practices bring me into the present moment and center me in my body. By the end of the course I feel incredible!”
Brooks, age 16, Washington

"Its like an energy bar!"
Rebecca, Middle school student

“It was actually a nice experience. It actually works. Things are working out better. I’m meeting new people. I’m doing well in school and I’m learning how to handle my problems.”
Diana, Middle school student, DC

“The breathing helped me calm my mind and really helped me go inside myself and become more aware of the people around me. I feel rested, and I have a sense of calm in my mind. Even though there are bad things happening in the world, I feel as though I have nothing to be mad about.”
Rachel, age 11, New York

"I really did get to know everybody a lot better. I am a lot closer with the kids now... even depression goes away here!"
Jenny, middle school student

"I sleep better. I do the breathing before I go to bed and it helps me sleep. Before I coudn't go to sleep."
Shoshana, Middle school student, Miami

“In this course I made new friends, played games and learned Yoga and many breathing techniques. The breathing made me think in the present moment more. Now I feel more relaxed and happy and find myself to be in a better mood most of the time. This course is definitely an experience I will never forget because it taught me a lot about many things in life.”
Kayla, age 13, California

"Before I came here I was really stressed out. Little things made me angry. I learned to get rid of the anger and free my mind from all the clutter. If I get angry I just do the breathing and it makes me feel better."
Matt, Middle school student

"I think the ART Excel Course should be a must! It really helps you relax."
Kelly, Middle school student

“ART Excel was very fun. It made me feel stronger. At first I felt shy and scared but now that it’s the end I feel that I want to do it again!”
Talia, age 8, NewYork

"Just simple breathing exercises and you feel really, really good."
Shane, Middle school student

"Less anger. I'm making new freinds. Reduce myself from fighting people."
Ivrette, Middle school student, Miami

“I like doing the breathing exercises. It has helped me a lot. It has helped me from the inside. When I do the breathing, I am able to concentrate better. It’s good! I want to continue doing it everyday.”
Edwin, DC

"I'm more calm than before, I used to be angry. I just feel good."
Martine, Middle school student, Miami

“I liked learning techniques about how to make yourself a better person. The breathing made me more aware of everything. ART Excel is a place to learn ways of making yourself a stronger, less stressed person."
Marika, age 12, New York

"When I have a problem I will remember this class and I will try to laugh and smile so I can be happy."
Robert, Middle school student, Miami

YES for Teens

Both fun and challenging, this 18 hour seminar provides teens with a comprehensive toolbox to both - manage their own emotions and stress, as well as dynamically navigate through adolescence. The program broadens youth's vision of the world and provides practical knowledge and skills they need to realize their highest potential. Independent research has also shown that the processes learned on YES helps to reduce anger, violence and depression, as well as improve focus, clarity of mind and concentration.

Main Aspects of the Program:

• Physical – Dynamic body exercises, yoga and innovative breathing techniques.
• Mental – Practical knowledge to eliminate counter productive activity and enhance learning ability; Techniques and interactive processes to improve memory, concentration & focus.
• Social – Experiential processes to develop problem solving strategies and social skills; Interactive games to develop leadership and life skills; Teamwork exercises to teach cooperation and conflict resolution.
• Emotional – Dynamic group discussions designed to help teens feel at ease in challenging situations, and increase confidence and inner strength to better handle criticism and peer pressure.

Follow-Up: Empowering Students:
Service to the community is an integral part of the YES program. Students design and implement their own volunteer project, taking responsibility for themselves and their community. This develops an attitude of service toward others and caring for the planet. Upon completion of this six-session program, YES graduates participate in weekly follow-up sessions during which students refresh their understanding of the techniques learned and with the support of adult mentors, implement their service projects. Youth develop leadership skills, strengthen their discipline in practicing the relaxation and breathing techniques, complete service projects, and continue to foster human values education.

Quotes from Parents:

"I thought the program was wonderful. My daughter helps out more at home, she’s kinder and has become more selfless, thinking of others first. Thank you so much!"
Kids for Kids Parent, Val-des-Ormes Elementary

"It opened a window for Austin. When he does his techniques he is happier, has higher energy and is nicer to be around."
Rebecca Slade

"I have seen before my eyes a transformation in Marissa."
Marie Chistmon

"My daughter was so involved, so motivated it was truly wonderful."
Kids for Kids Parent, Val-des-Ormes Elementary

"It helped her out a lot in calming down."
Mother of a middle school student

"He's getting better sleep. I want him to teach me. He's more relaxed doing the exercises."
Father of a middle school student

"He's improved a lot. I see it everyday. He's learned a lot."
Mother of an elementary school student

"He pays more attention to detail. His progress report is excellent. He's
doing better in school."
Parent of a middle school student

Quotes from Students:

"The Youth Empowerment Seminar has taught me the single most important thing that any high school student could ever learn...PRIORITY. If one is not spiritually fit then they can not possibly become well rounded individuals. In school, everything seems to just fly by and it makes a huge difference when you take a second to breathe… The YES program provided that relaxing environment that I needed in my fast-paced life and I left with valuable de-stressing techniques that I still use...when no one's watching.. sometimes when they are, but they don't even notice.. The week after taking this course I went to school with a new attitude. It really has changed my life. Jameelah, you and Ari are very cool and I appreciate you guys! With thanks and love"
Vicky

"Before I came here I was really stressed out. Little things made me angry. I learned to get rid of the anger and free my mind from all the clutter. If I get angry I just do the breathing and it makes me feel better."
Matt

"Just simple breathing exercises and you feel really, really good."
Shane

“I like that we do these type of yoga things and it calms our mind because as high school students we have a lot of stress on our hands, but with this class we can relax and calm down and when we go home we can do our homework and everything with a clear mind and not worry about anything.”
Los Angeles High School Student

“My overall experience wasn’t just good, it was actually great. I enjoyed YES! a lot and I didn’t think I would, I just sort of thought it would be mediocre, but I got so much but of it. I think it improved me as a person; my character and my outlook on life. Before I was a little less sure of myself but now I feel more full. After the kriya I felt calm, like there were no more waves in the water. I liked how we talked about a lot of things, like a lot of the problems we face in everyday life, it touched really deep I guess and I wasn’t expecting it to. I would recommend this to probably everyone I know because all of them have problems that are just like mine, it would help so many people... I’m really grateful for this opportunity. I’m grateful for the course and the people who provide and allow for kids like us to do this for pretty much nothing at all.”
Demetra Powell

“This program/course has been an incredible experience for me not only mentally, but also my performance in other things I do such as tennis. I’ve become a calmer, more focused and concentrated person where I used to not be able to really calm myself and my mind down. I’ve also improved a lot in tennis because I’m able to become more focused, and being button proof helped me to understand my dad more when he coaches me. I’ve really enjoyed this class and I look forward to taking it again.
Chloe Chang

His Holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar’s Interview

His Holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar stated the following in an event:

“The whole world belongs to you. But man identifies himself with his profession, religion, culture, nationality, language, region or sex and, maybe, as a human being. People today are stuck in religious practices, symbols & customs, and have forgotten the spiritual core - human values of compassion, friendliness, co-operation, peace of mind, joy… and a smile that is not fragile!

In a society plagued with domestic and communal violence, we need to globalize wisdom. Though we have advanced technologically, we have cared very little for the emotional and spiritual needs of people. A sense of belongingness with the whole world - rising above the narrow considerations of color, culture or background, is the need of the hour. We are not living in isolated compartments - the world has become one family.

As a major initiative towards globalizing wisdom and fostering human values, we are hosting a three-day International Conference on Human Values from the 17 th -19 th of February, 2006.

This conference is a wonderful occasion for all leaders of society who are concerned about terrorism and fundamentalism. We need to look back and learn from the mistakes of the past; we need to understand what is lacking in society and how we can nurture the human values without which this earth cannot be sustained.

Knowledge and spiritual awareness should go hand in hand with social and political systems. I think religious leaders, political leaders, business establishments and social workers should get together and spread the message of unity. All religions and traditions have a common value system. These shared values have to reach every corner of the world. Even if one pocket of the world remains ignorant of these values, the world will not be a safe place. I often say religion is the banana skin and spirituality is the banana. The misery in the world is because we throw away the banana and are holding on to the skin. I hope this conference will reinforce the vision of one world family”.

Summary

Since 2006, after AOL part 1 course, I have begun to appreciate and experience the wonderful family of mine. Even the thoughts about why “autism”, “why my child?”, have gone. After a swimming accident in Florida, recently in July 2008, an autistic boy and his Dad were saved by a miracle –despite the fact that the two got lost in the Atlantic Ocean for close to 20 hours. Initially the Dad was rescued and he was anxious and doubtful about his son’s survival especially with sharks in the water, and to his amazement they recovered his 14 year old son safe and alive. When Larry King interviewed them the response was simple, the parents were grateful for the miracle and thanked God all the time. The Dad proclaimed I don’t care if my Son has autism anymore; I am so glad that he is alive and well. That is all I need.

His Holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar’s programs for family and friends teach the true value of having family and friends, appreciating every single person and every single relationship one has (with their parents, brothers and sisters, friends, spouse and children, grandchildren and more) and constantly being thankful for such family and friendship, that one has.